...and I know it's not just me.

Now, I know that I've been wallowing in a lot of negativity these days, but who can blame me considering what's going on around me? Between a change in reporting structure here that's akin to a demotion for me, watching two of my favorite co-workers leaving the company (one by his own hand, the other being pushed out), and the almost fanatical push to automate what's left of my job (after shuffling part of it to a temp) it's a wonder that I've not lost it already. But you know what? I could handle *that*.

Then you dump the stuff from my personal life on top of it - specifically the individuals I wrote about in the last blog entry. Thank goodness I'm not blood related to them, and I hope not too much of the environmental tainted me. Of course, that's really the only part of the personal that's really getting to me. My health is decent, except for this constant urge to take naps (and an alarming success rate of it). That's bothering me a bit but it seems to be fading.

I've been left out of the information loop at the office. Dreadfully so. I've been left out of vendor meetings, left out of emails, I've heard about other people placing orders for supplies that should pass through my desk. A vendor is the one who told me about one of my co-workers leaving the company - apparently they got called in for a meeting about it before I did. Actually, I'm still waiting for that formal meeting because my chicken of a so-called boss doesn't have the balls to tell me. Someone else inside the company let me know and I think that was solely because I was playing Miss Mary Sunshine (I'd already found out from the vendor, so why not act innocent and happy and see if someone strikes it down and they did). Honestly... how much lower does it get than that? That a *vendor* knows before a team member does?

Then there's that decision I've been waiting on and the lack of response from the individual that I need the answers from. I've pretty much given up on that, and that's not like me either. Add that on top of everything else and, heck, have three things all happen at once and I give up. The real shame is that I'm usually made of sterner stuff, but not this time. I'd be perfectly content to fall into a hole and stick it out there for a few weeks until whatever this is blows over.

You see, I'm not the only one. There are others suffering from this too. For some reason there are a bunch of people I know, either in "real life" or from the stitching boards that are falling into the same hole that I am. There are mass things personal going south, people jumping ship with jobs left and right, job dissatisfaction but no way out, pets health suffering, human's health suffering... the list goes on and on. It's enough to make the eternal neverending optimist start contemplating a jump down a hole. And I'm not even close to one of those - I'm on the cynical pessimist team. Sometimes. Ok, maybe not so often, but I'm sure there now.

See? There I go again. *SOMETHING* isn't right, and it's either the weather or the tides, or I don't know what. It's like February hit us with a delay, except we're not sniping at each other on the boards. Oh no, and don't anyone take that as some great cosmic suggestion. I don't think that I could take the boards blowing up right now. No one could. I think it's the great solace for a lot of folks at the moment.

So, if anyone can figure out what's going on and clue me in as to the way to break all of this (that wouldn't involve a road trip with money that I don't have) I'd really appreciate it. I'm tired of sleeping my stress away, which is what I think the napping is all about. I'm tired of skipping the gym because I'm so mentally and emotionally worn out (and therefore, physically affected). I'm craving some positive changes right now and they're not coming. And I'm not the only one, so it's got to be a suggestion that we could inflict on all the stitchers and friends out there who are feeling the same stresses and crap that I am. Because right now, there's no light at the end of the tunnel as far as I can see...

...although if there were, I wouldn't be so sure that it wasn't the headlight of an oncoming train.