...That's It. I've. Had. It. There is some profanity in this post, so if you've no taste for it, don't read any further. Just know that I've Had It, it's my parents fault (specifically the thing that considers itself my father), and I don't care what happens jobwise anymore. I've given up.

Whatever happens with the thing I'm waiting for that some of you know about, happens. By this point, I'm sure the answer is going to be a big fat no. With everything else in the world that is negative happening to everyone I know, and all the tension surrounding me, I'm not going to expect anything positive to come out of this.

Yes, I was going to make a phone call yesterday and while I was psyching myself up for it I got a phone call from the individual that refers to himself as my Dad. And it wasn't pretty. You see, on Tuesday it was B's 9th birthday. And as with all good doting grandparents, my mom called to wish B a happy birthday. So I passed the phone over.

B was on the phone for a few minutes, and then passed the phone back to me with a quick whisper that Grandma was calling her the wrong name. You see, B has a rather common first name. But we don't call her by the common nickname that goes with that name. We call her a less common derivative of her name. It's like having a daughter named Christina, and you call her Tina, but someone in the family insists on calling her Christy. You're annoyed by it, and the child is very annoyed by it. That is the problem that I am having with my youngest and her grandmother. It's a basic respect thing for me - you call someone by their correct name.

So last night, as Mom and I were finishing up and she referred to B by the wrong nickname, I took that opportunity to gently say "Mom, before you go, we don't call her 'wrong nickname'. She doesn't like being called 'wrong nickname'. We call her 'right nickname'." Mom's response? "I never call her 'wrong nickname' to her. I always call her 'full name'". This is patently not true, but I let it go and gently reminded Mom of the right name and thanked her. She quickly ended the conversation. As in 'Oh. Bye.' and hung up. That's not unusual for Mom, but I went into DH's office and promptly let him know about correcting Mom and said that I'm sure I'll hear from Dad about this.

And hear I did. A completely out of left field call that involved him yelling at me about how I upset my mother, laced completely with profanity. After I insisted a couple of times that I didn't yell at her, I asked if I am not allowed to correct someone when they're getting my daughter's name wrong. I got yelled at for that with his implication that if I were really "a fucking adult and good mother" (profanity and emphasis his) then I would know better to gently correct my own mother instead of "fucking upsetting her and sending her blood sugar up".

Yes, blood sugar. During the course of this very short (one minute and 27 second phone call) I was reminded (as if I'd forgotten) that my mother is a diabetic and that her blood sugar was 200+ yesterday morning and that it was all my fault for upsetting her, which caused her blood sugar to go out of whack. I was pretty sure that was all b.s. and let it go, but I really think I should have said something right then. I know guilt trips are the perogative of every parent, but to pull something like that is just low.

I didn't yell at her. I've learned the lesson about getting frustrated with Mom on the phone and raising my voice. She turns on the tears to Dad, says I was mean, and then I hear about it. And hear about it. And Hear About It. So I don't yell - in reality, I've never yelled. I am guilty of raising my voice, but that's usually from frustration and when Mom has already been trying to tell me that I'm wrong when I've got all the facts on my side. I should have known that I behaved for too long and she'd find a way ot turn on me. I know she doesn't take criticism well, but something like this? Sheesh.

I decided to hang up after the implication that I'm not a good mother and thought better of it. I let that thing called Dad know that I'm at my desk and I was in the middle of a few things and that we should have this conversation later. I was told that he didn't care that I was at work, that I needed to listen to him, that we were having this conversation now, and immediately then he was "done having this fucking conversation", said Goodbye and hung up on me. After I threw my phone across the desk I picked it up again and ran outside to call DH. And cried. And threw my own profanity laced statements out there. He called right in the middle of steeling myself to make that very important phone call, and in the middle of me eating my lunch - which I ended up throwing out more than half of because I couldn't bring myself to eat. I was so pissed I didn't go to the gym after work either because I didn't want to deal with the people there.

I can't stand it anymore. Straw meet camel's back. I'm done. I don't want to see my parents anymore. Ever. DH can take the kids to see them, I'll find something else to do. I don't care if it was Dad venting - the profanity, the lies, the accusation without listening to anything that I had to say was completely unacceptable. I briefly wondered what Mom would say if she knew what he did, and considered calling her to let her know to keep her husband on a leash, but decided (with DH's help) that starting WWIII isn't worth it. But honestly, I don't want to talk to her either. This isn't the first time that this has happened, but I'm going to try and make damn sure that this is the last time it happens.

After that call came, I couldn't hold my voice steady. I was trying to keep myself from crying - out of anger, frustration - for the next 3 hours. I can't do this anymore. I am tired of being reminded through thier actions if not words that I should be grateful because I could have ended up with parents who were drug users or who abused me instead of them adopting me as a baby and giving me the life I have. Funny, I thought that children were supposed to be loved, not reminded that they're beholden to thier parents.

This is serious folks - I threw away over half my lunch after that phone call because I couldn't taste anything and felt sick at the thought of eating. Dinnertime wasn't much better - I barely ate, and had a Coke.

My children are darn lucky I learned the right lessons from the way I grew up. So there you have it folks, stick a fork in me because I'm done. It doesn't matter what happens now jobwise because this was the last straw on my back and I can't handle any more stress or disappointment. I'm not going to call to find out what's going on, I know they're not emailing me, and I'll probably get a nice thank you but no thank you in the mail in a few days instead of what I'm really after.

I'm not going to answer the phone if my parents call, DH understands this and agrees that even if it was just my father venting it was uncalled for. He's not too happy about it either, but he understands my decision to not speak to them. But I didn't deserve that, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. DH made a comment about no one's going to apologize for any of this, and I'll admit that I got a little testy about that because I didn't do anything that warranted an apology. I simply reminded someone about the correct name of the grandchild they supposedly adore.

I told DH that I don't want to see them any longer either, and while I don't think he agrees with me on that, I'm fairly certain he understands. Last night, instead of being at a business meeting he attends on Wednesdays, he was waiting for me at home with a hug and a smile. I sent him along to his meeting, but he'd felt it was important that he was there when I got home. I am a very lucky person to have someone like that who radiates support.

And that's where things lie at the moment.