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Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Dear Mr Spammer...'s been a while, hasn't it?

Dear Mr. Spammer,

I so appreciate the warm sentiments that you have been filling my inbox with over the last few months, especially during my 3 month run of being a person on unemployment insurance. I'd like to say that those spams kept me going through the cold rejections and insufferable hours in job lines, but they didn't. I didn't really have any cold rejections, and I didn't spend any hours in job lines. So sorry to burst that bubble for you.

What I'd like to talk about is the absolute inequity that I've been feeling when we talk about you in the office. Oh yes, everyone here knows all about Mr. Spammer. We *all* get emails from you. Of course, you haven't gotten my work email address yet, and I'm not going to tell you either. I'm trying to keep all my personal email in one place and my work email, well, for work.

But that's neither here nor there. I find that I'm not your favorite anymore. We were all talking about the letter that you sent about winning the lottery and we all found that you emailed us about different amounts. First of all, we found that it was amazing that 5 of us in the same office all won in the same lottery. I mean, what are the odds!

What was slightly less dazzling was that we all won differing amounts, and clearly, you favor someone else more than me because they won more than I did. Yes, I pouted. You can bother to send me letters about "male enhancement" that are clearly equal to theirs, but you aren't going to give me an equal share of the monies in the lottery?

After all these years, Mr. Spammer, how could you turn your back on me like that? It's disheartening, and I'm sure I've known you longer than these guys have. But still, I feel like you've abandoned me. Wait, what's this? You sent me a new letter from the lotto. Oooo. 8.5 million pounds. That's better than what anyone else got.

Ok, Mr. Spammer. I'll give you one more chance. But only the one.

-WG- *feeling the spammer love again*