Dear Mr. Spammer...
... and it's time once again for the most unpopular segment that ever appears in my blog! It's time, once again, for another installment of Dear Mr Spammer. Today the spammers are trying something a little different, and it all depends on your perception and beliefs as to whether or not it's offensive...
The spammers are now trying to save my soul.
Dear Mr. Spammer,
Your email was such the breath of fresh air in light of all the junk that I get. And while I don't usually read any spam that I get, there was something that just drew me to yours. It must have been Divine Intervention. And that's what has led to me dropping you this note in regards to the email you sent me about "the biggest decision you could ever make" as you put it in the subject line. I want to thank you for it, but I don't need it at the moment.
Still, it was a message that more should certainly heed. As I recall correctly, you started with the plea that before it's too late I should make peace with God and to make sure that the ones that I love do also.
I want to thank you for that reminder. God has always been present in my life, I know this, and I've honored Him in my own way along my rocky path of life. What I discuss with Him, and when I discuss it is between Him and I, so I won't get into that. But rest assured, God and I do have a pretty good relationship.
You worried me for a few seconds when you stated that it's the greatest pleasure you can ever have and that it lasts forever. You misspelled forever and I started to be concerned that this was going to be some twisted Viagra or Cialis advertisment, but you redeemed yourselves with the plea to accept Him, to repent, and to be baptized.
I'm already baptized, but I don't think that your records would indicate that since I don't have to register my religious preferences when I sign up for mailing lists. Thank goodness, because I don't want to be persecuted anymore than I am (at times) for being a Roman Catholic.
I'm a little confused though - the last line of your email said that you'll see me in heaven. Considering you didn't leave a name with the email, and the sender was some innocuous business name, I'm not sure how I'll find you so that we can discuss the vast knowledge that we will be endowed with by then, nor will I be able to ask you about the verbage at the very bottom of the email.
At the bottom of the email you mention the following: "In newton we can acrobatic as always vulcan compare theirfore minos is because and mike." Are you mike? Or is that short for microphone? And Newton - are we to talk about Isaac Newton? If I'm not mistaken the Church wasn't too happy about him. Of course, that was the Church and not God. I'm fairly convinced that God was pretty happy that he was discovering and educating us. And what do Vulcans have to do with anything? I'm really curious about this stuff, and I suppose eventually all will be revealed to me in good time. Ah, but I digress...
I just wanted to thank you for your note but to let you know that my soul doesn't need saving. I'm in pretty darn good shape, and I think God would knock me upside the head if I wasn't. In fact, I'm sure of it because He has done that before.
Good luck on your route to enlightenment...
-WG- (who is only trying to save money right now, her soul is in good shape, thanks)