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Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Thanksgiving is coming...

...and I'm not one bit excited about it. At all. I'm just rambling on today in this, so bear with me - there's really not a point, it's just my current point of view. And so, again, I'm not one bit excited about any of the hullabaloo.

Oh sure, I'm cool with the fact that I'm going to have a long weekend, and that there's going to be roast turkey and pie, but otherwise, you can keep the whole thing. Isn't that awful?

I should be taking this time to be thankful for all the good things that are present in my life that keeps me happy and makes me smile. I should also be thankful for the not-so-good things in my life that keeps it all in perspective. But, for some unknown-to-me reason, I don't feel like doing that. Perhaps it's because lately I've been highly cognizant of what I'm thankful for on a daily basis. That shouldn't be an excuse, but sadly, it's all I've got.

Maybe part of it is the inevitable crush of family that I'll encounter on the day itself. There's to be a total of 20 people at my MIL's house, and only 4 of those will be me and my part of the family. Come to think of it, 20 is small for a holiday gathering in my DH's family, but it's still a lot of people to begin with. Keep in mind, I grew up with Thanksgiving being comprised of my parents, my brother (the autistic usually absent from the table), my paternal grandmother and her dog. Despite the large family on both mom and dad's sides - they had aunts and uncles and cousins, but no living siblings themselves - we always spent the holidays as small as possible. That was mom's thing - she didn't want to deal with "those people", where "those people" meant anyone not in the immediate family.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I really hated my childhood because I was so damn lonely. *sigh* But I digress, if only slightly.

My kids aren't growing up like that - everyone congregates at mom's house for holidays (when they're not being re-routed to mine because the plumbing at mom's has backed up - long story, but it's happened 3 times) on every important holiday, including Labor Day and Memorial Day and the 4th of July. Maybe the blahs are over the cleaning that I think I need to do just in case everyone has to move over to my house. Maybe it's putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving (I'm not enthusiastic about that either). I think I'm having a case of the holiday lazy blahs. I've lost my ambition about the holidays. I've not even gone near a Hallmark store yet to see what's in store for me for Christmas. I usually have a set of three or four new ornaments in hand for the tree by this time of year.

This year I have one, and I bought it because A thought we needed to have an angel ornament for the tree, since we didn't have one. Logical, but without that I wouldn't have any ornaments. And I have absolutely zero desire to go near a Hallmark store. I know my DH will be dancing around his office when he reads this because he always rolls his eyes when I show him the new snowman for the tree for the year. That's right, snowmen. And this year I don't have a new one and I don't think I care.

I've got yet to make two pumpkin pies for dinner on Thursday. I've roasted the pumpkin and scraped and drained the pureed flesh (a task I wouldn't wish to repeat or wish on anyone I don't like), and that's sitting in the fridge waiting for Wednesday evening when I'll bake the pies. The 12.5 pound turkey we're contributing to the dinner is defrosting in the refridgerator. I'm getting off easy for the dinner portion of the event, but what I really want to do is go to bed and sleep until Saturday. It's not that I'm that tired, it's that I just don't want to endure a holiday, and it's really frustrating me that I cannot pinpoint why. I'm usually so good about figuring out what's bothering me really quickly.

Maybe that's part of the blah - it's going to perpetuate because I can't put my finger on why it exists in the first place. I have a theory though, and even saying it out loud doesn't help me feel like that's the reason I'm feeling this way.

My theory is that I think I'm already holiday'd out. That said, I think I'm going to make this the last blog before the US Thanksgiving holiday and I'll see you next week. If you're in the US and planning to have a big dinner on Thursday, enjoy it. If you're in the US and not planning to have a big dinner on Thursday, or are outside the US and don't celebrate this Thanksgiving holiday, then have a happy week and enjoy yourselves as Christmas speeds towards us much like a train coming down the tunnel, and our sneaker is stuck in the tracks... Kidding....

Sort of. Can I go take that 5 day long nap now?