Fear and Loathing...
...but not necessarily in Las Vegas, although I'm sure it happens there too. My apologies to Hunter S. Thompson for mangling his title in starting this article.
What is it about some people that they have this irrepressible need to be loved, adored, or even just *with* someone so that they can think that their life has value? I think it has something to do with the abject fear that they will live (and die) alone, without anyone to warm their bed.
I know of individuals who are reading whatever relationship books they can get their hands on, hoping for the magic words that would tell them how to snag a man. As I recently said to someone "A self-help book does not a relationship make." One particularly odious book actually instructs women on what to do so that they are viewed as the "perfect woman" in a man's eyes - a commitment-shy man.
Man-trapping. That's all that is. You're trying to trap someone into a relationship by pretending to be something that you're not. That takes an awful lot of energy. And you'd have to keep that whole charade up for months... maybe even years. Unless someone is seriously cracked, I don't think anyone could keep things up that long and still be truly happy. Come on, fooling a guy into thinking you're perfect, and then be convinced that he's going to pop the question and you'll ride into the sunset and live happily ever after?
It's too bad - I know someone who is a prime target for someone like this, and I'd love to tell him what's going on, but I don't know him *that* well. By target, by the way, I mean that he's already in someone's crosshairs. I'd tell the female to back off and get a clue, but she's so far into her own dreamland that I don't think anyone could give her a reality check.
I know a lot of people who want to whap her across the head with a Clue by Four, but that's not likely to happen either. I just wonder how much she loathes herself to bow down to something that tells you (in the title no less) to not play games with a man, yet details so-called "non-manipulative" methods to get a commitment-shy man to commit to a relationship.
I'm sorry, but by definition, isn't that "role-playing"? Role-playing is, by definition, a game. You're going to engage a strategy to make someone think that you're loyal and they're special without really putting 100% of yourself behind it? That's game-playing in my book.
Sad, really, that someone can't think enough of the strengths of their own character to see past that, but I suppose when one engages in self-loathing for a long enough period of time, they're going to be convinced that no one wants them, likes them, or ever will love them. I experienced that with someone I once called friend - she would get into these moods where she'd constantly be down on herself. My mom used to do the same thing (but it was constant with mom) and it drove me batty. I could never understand why she didn't open her eyes, so to speak, and realize that there were people who cared about her.
Honestly, I think she was scared of people caring about her, because she may fear losing them, so instead she took control and pushed them away in any method she could utilize. If that's still in her psychological makeup, then she's going to do this again and again. It makes me feel bad for the guy that's in the crosshairs because once she finally convinces him that she's 'the perfect woman', she's probably going to push him away...
...and then we'll have two bitter people.