Dear Mr. Spammer...
...It's that time, once again, for another edition of 'Dear Mr. Spammer' where your erstwhile author, WhizGidget, responds and ridicules a spammer who will likely never read her letter.
Dear Mr. Spammer,
While I greatly appreciate your efforts to sell me all manners of items under the sun, or to con me into giving you some precious information of mine, you can kindly leave the preaching out of it.
That's right - the preaching. I don't need little tag quotes like "No human being will ever go to Heaven alone, or to Hell alone; someone else is bound to be influenced and follow to either place" at the bottom of your correspondence. I *know* what residual circumstances of my actions and the effects that one life can make on a circle of individuals surrounding that life.
Believe me, I do know.
I also don't need some autobiographical information about when you were a young man in Mississippi, or zen statements about pebbles in the ocean whose concentric ripples will reach from ocean to ocean and then on again into the endless ages of eternity.
I know all about cause and effect, and radio waves from Earth that are probably being heard in the far reaches of the Briar Patch.
I also don't need all your fragmented comments about bubbles remaining molten or that you know large words like geosynchronous orbit or necromancer, Nor do I need to know that you used to have no kids and 6 theories about raising children and now have 6 children and no theories. I used to have 4 theories about raising children, myself. I stopped at two kids and I threw the theories out the window before I got into any more trouble.
Those 6 children of yours are probably a result of all the v1agr@ or c!a1i$ that you've been taking. Ah, but I digress...
I wish to thank you humbly for all your wise discourse at the bottom of your business correspondence, but I find it not appropriate when attempting to solicit business to foist one's personal views of something on your intended customer.
I'm sure there are others who would appreciate it and need it though, so why don't you send to them.
Sincerely yours, and through the edges of eternity,