...That's what they tell you to do when you're about to deliver a baby: Push! You can do it, push!

And when it's all over and you're exhausted and sore you have this new little person that you are responsible for. Your reward for all of that labor is a beautiful new person. Your child.

Apparently other people have it in their minds that another type of reward is due. Jewelry. Something to commemorate the birth of the child. And not something simple either, but something that's in the few hundred dollar ranges. It's called a "Push Present".

I think a better term for it is "Subjecting the father of your child to extortion because you did something that women have been doing for hundreds and hundreds of years". Honestly, what's next? A new car when you push the baby out? A new house?

I went into DH's office last night and held out my hand and told him to cough it up. He was understandably confused until I told him that he's roughly 10.5 and 12 years overdue in giving me my push presents and then explained what they were. He rolled his eyes. After reading him a few excerpts from the article he came up behind me, put his hands on my hips (I love that) and said "Your push presents are in the front room playing with the (Nintendo) DS."

He's right. The best thing I could have gotten out of the whole deal is those two beautiful girls. And cranberry juice. All I wanted after I had them was cranberry juice... and a beer... no, not mixed together. But I digress...

I think the name is even crass: "Push Present" Honestly, who comes up with these terms? Oh right, the yuppies that start demanding jewelry and think they're so ahead of the curve on trends name things like this. DH didn't give me jewelry after I had the girls. I don't recall even getting flowers, although I did get a few bouquets, so I suppose one of them could have been from him. Maybe that's the point of the present? For it to be something that will stick in your mind more.

Oh sure, a $1500 gold and diamond bracelet would stick in my mind. And probably in my jewelry drawer because I sure wouldn't be wearing it while the baby is small, uncoordinated, and still using diapers. Can you imagine cleaning baby poo out of the crevices of a diamond bracelet? I even took off my wedding ring for the more nasty looking diapers that the girls had. And where does one wear such a bracelet because it's not every day wear.

Ok, maybe it's every day wear in Los Gatos or Los Altos or one of the other affluent yuppie suburbs here in Silly.Com Valley, but not in mine. I couldn't even imagine coming to work at the start up that I'm at with something like that. But again, I digress...

Push Presents - so women have started demanding payment for pushing children out. It's not like they could keep them in for an undetermined amount of time until they get said present, so I don't see the sense in it all. It's just plain greedy - as if there aren't enough so-called "holidays" that people try and extort things for in the first place and the lengths people will go to over them.

The Shane Company this year had a commercial about the husbands needing to go into their wife's jewelry box to find out what she needs. A guy isn't going to know that - his wife's *friends* are going to know that better than he could unless he's really tuned in to her likes and dislikes. Give a present for an anniversary, Valentine's Day, Christmas, thank them for being the one, how about a Mother's necklace or ring with stones for each of the children. I just can't wait to hear how Shane is going to market the "push present"...

...no, wait. Yes, yes I can wait. Ugh.