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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Hollywood's Movie Machine..., to press on from yesterday when I talked about the travesty that the remake market has become, there's some almost worse offerings in the original movie department and the casting couch.

A great lot of it has to do with casting that seems, well, insane. Like yesterday's suggestion that Raven Symone is going to be the babysitter character in the "Further Adventures in Babysitting". Instead of a relatively innocent and frustrated babysitter, we're going to have a purely clueless one - because no one can pull off as vapid and empty a look as Raven Symone. Ok, maybe Paris Hilton can, but I suspect that they want this movie to be rated G or the low end of PG and not R.

First up, they're making a movie about Hitler. "They" being Bryan Singer, who wants to do a Hitler assassination film. And who is to play Hitler?

Tom Cruise. No joke. At least that's the rumor. Speaking of Tom Cruise, he's the star in another bumbled casting decision. They're going to make a movie about the Hardy Boys, but all grown up and it's to be called "The Hardy Men". Apparently the two brothers have had a falling out and need to reunite to solve something.

Whatever the something is, it's bound to be funny because one of the brothers is to be played by Ben Stiller. And the other is Cruise. Just shoot me now, people, before the trailers for this come out. I was a much happier person before I found out this was going to be made.

There is another movie over in the UK that's in development apparently. It's going to be an independent film with a $2 million budget. And it's going to be made by British MySpace users. Yes, mySpace users. They're going to choose a director by running a contest, and then MySpace users will be involved in all aspects from writing to lighting to sparkly animation because what's a mySpace page without sparkly animation, right?

Speaking of MySpace, the guy behind the reality shows (Survivor, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, etc) is teaming up with them to make a reality show. Yes, I know that's not a movie, but still. The point of the show is to find "one person to serve as the political voice of young America". And they're going to find them on MySpace? The new political voice of young America - on MySpace. Perhaps I'm taking it too seriously. I'll bet it's not a reality show, but a comedy. That would make much more sense.

In other casting news, Ioan Gruffudd has been opening his mouth and speaking. For those who don't know him, he's the guy who was Reed Richards in the Fantastic Four movie that failed a couple of years ago, and probably best known as Horatio Hornblower in all the movies about Hornblower. Anyway, he's not bad to look at and is a decent actor. But I think either someone's been propping his ego up too much or he's taking some sort of hallucinogen lately. You see, Ioan has said that he wants to step into Daniel Craig's shoes in another 7-10 years and be the next James Bond.

Ex-squeeze me? Ioan Gruffudd... as Bond? The man himself admits that he's a little young and "not quite big enough" but says he could visit the gym or something to make up for that. I seriously hope he's joking because I really don't see him as Bond. No way. And how nice of him to give Craig a timeline for retirement as being Bond.

That's it from the casting couch at the moment... and isn't it enough?

Edit: in breaking casting news - the Steve Martin/Lily Tomlin classic "All of Me" is being remade. Queen Latifah is to star... probably as Martin's character. All I have to say is that some things are better left alone, and that is one of them.