...Oh yes, it's that time, once again, for another edition of our favorite junk mail responses - or maybe not so favorite, who knows?

Yes, it's Dear Mr. Spammer. And this time, Mr. Spammer seems to have found lifetime employment. Or he's committing a federal offense. My thanks to a meandering individual for the idea

---

Dear Mr. Spammer,

I've received your latest letter, and it's caused myself and my family some great concern. I know that between the four of us, we traverse many corners of that which is known as the World Wide Web, but I don't think that we've been anywhere illegal. Getting your letter that stated that our IP had been logged at multiple illegal locations, and that you wished to speak with us was quite a surprise.

Oh, I suppose I should congratulate you on your new position with the FBI, although I didn't think that those sorts of folks actually put thier phone number at the bottom of emails they sent out. Actually, I didn't think that they sent out that many emails to tell you the truth. In my experience with them, you generally don't know they're coming until they show up at your door to talk to you. Although, I did have one leave his business card stuck in my front door once. He was probably new, and you're new there, so that probably explains that.

It's good to see you in stable employement - hopefully you won't have to turn back to the life of spamming again, since government work can get some people set for life. Assuming that they don't do something stupid like get caught spying and giving away secrets. Ah, but I digress, we were discussing the illegal websites that you wanted to discuss with me.

I'm sorry I couldn't read the questionaire that you sent - my virus software removed the attachment and said that it was evil. Since the corporate headquarters for that company is local, I'll bet that some of those folks are probably from Santa Cruz where they think that anything that involves authority is evil. So my apologies there. You could try resending it if I change virus programs, but I doubt you'd have luck with that either, since one of the development offices for the other major virus software company is right next door to the building I work in, and I *know* there's some folks from Santa Cruz working there. So, I'm really sorry that I can't answer your questions, unless you put them in the body of the email instead of an attachment. You're smart enough to do that - unless part of the initiation process to work where you are involved a lobotomy.

No, I'm not from Santa Cruz, but I understand the way they think. Oh, and next time you decide to send me the questionaire again, make sure you put the right workplace - the second one said you work for the CIA. Unless you're lying about both. You wouldn't lie to me, right?

Oh wait, you work for the government... never mind.

-WhizGidget- *wonders how thick her FBI file is now*