...it's not the first time, and some of you are probably saying that they lost it long ago, if they ever even had a mind in the first place.

But this is truly the end of sanity for them. They've long since run out of original ideas (thus all the book adaptations and remakes) but honestly... And no, I'm not about to tell you that Survivor: The Movie is coming, although I wouldn't be surprised if the braintrust (such as it is) at Mark Burnett Productions is working on something like that. No, this has to do with a sequel. That's right... a sequel. A sequel to a movie that was originally released back in 1984.

They're making a sequel to 'Sixteen Candles'. *That's right, this isn't a joke, scream, cry, groan, excitedly scroll and read on to see me skewer this idea*

What the hell are they thinking? Oh, that's right, they've lost their minds. But first, the details - USA Network is heading up the effort, they have a script, it's going to be on the USA Network and they want to update the lives of all the favorite characters (Sam, Farmer Ted, Long Duk Dong, etc) and it's going to be called....

...wait for it....

'32 Candles'. Original, no? They're going to pick up the story somewhere near Samantha Baker's 32nd birthday. When I approached DH last night to fume about this, he framed his hands and said "Sixteen Candles 2: The Cake's on Fire". That's about right, considering the first cake was just about on fire in the last movie. Speaking of cakes in the last movie, how are they going to update the one character that every single living breathing female that I know of is going to want to know about? Yup. Jake Ryan. They're definitely going to have to get a different actor for that one since the actor who played Jake has virtually disappeared. He's last known to be a furniture maker somewhere in Pennsylvania - yes, a carpenter. They'll have to recast or figure out an explanation for the character going missing because I doubt he's going to come back. There is safety in anonymity.

Here's something to think about - Molly Ringwald looks a lot older than 32 these days, and the guy who played Long Duk Dong? Gedde Watanabe? He's going to be 50 this year. That's going to make for an interesting exchange student update....

They can probably get Anthony Michael Hall to reprise Farmer Ted - he's already on USA Network with the highly successful 'Dead Zone: The Series' (another sequel, of sorts) but he's definitely not Farmer Ted anymore. That's a case of geeky little guy grows up to look pretty darn good. Rumor has it that Molly Ringwald *is* interested...

Briefly I thought that it wouldn't be a bad idea - you could have Sam's *daughter* be turning 16 and similar things happen, but with Sam's experience (and maybe even narration) of things she wishes she could have told her daughter as they look back on the evil day. But we'd have to have something other than a wedding, since Sam wouldn't be quite old enough for having a daughter getting married. Of course, it's been 21 years since the last movie, and movie time can always be twisted for convenience of making the story work - they do it on the "daytime dramas" all the time.

But wait, I digress... I cannot believe that they're going to go through with this. They don't have John Hughes' brilliant writing and idea to work with, they're just working with the beloved characters from the original movie. It's Just. Not. Right. If they do this, then we're just opening doors for things like "The Brunch Club" or "St. Elmo's Fire: The Corporate Years" or 'Still Pretty... in Peach (or Plum)" or something stupid like that. Let it go - there was magic in those movies because of the cast at the time, because of John Hughes' writing, and because they were creative, original, and they hit at the right time.

I'm sure there are others who have never seen some of these movies and are thinking what's the big deal - well, think about some media (book, movie, song) that was really important to you at some point in your life. Then think about someone remaking it in the worst way possible, and you'll get my point. It's like someone trying to write a sequel to a long loved book, years and years after the book was out or after the author is long dead. Or colorizing black and white movies - there are some things that you just don't do, and if you do them, people will start thinking that you've lost your mind.

When I remember 'Sixteen Candles', I remember when I was a freshman in high school, and hoping for something more in my life. I was a confused kid, with hormones going out of whack, with friends that I thought I depended on who left me in the lurch. All I wanted was one person to depend on. Then came 'Sixteen Candles' - and I saw Sam who couldn't depend on her family to remember the one important thing to her - her 16th birthday. She had gym class, hated cheerleaders, and crushed on one absolutely gorgeous boy. I could totally relate - and I dare anyone female reading this to say that they couldn't relate. If you couldn't relate to this, then you were probably a curvy and popular cheerleader.

All I wanted, and all a lot of females wanted even if they wouldn't admit it until they were well out of high school, was a Jake Ryan to show up in that Porsche (hell, in any car) and whisk them off for a perfectly romantic birthday celebration. If my 16th birthday had included a Jake Ryan, I would have figured that for my most perfect birthday ever. But I'm not 16, I'm 33 (very soon to be 34) and I know things like that just don't happen no matter how much you want them to. And I have two daughters who are rapidly growing up. And soon, sooner than I want, they're going to get into high school and go through some of the things that I went through, and other things that I didn't simply because of the way time has changed in the last 20 years since I was a confused freshman...

But the movies will still be there - we'll still have 'Sixteen Candles' and 'Breakfast Club' and 'Pretty in Pink' and 'Some Kind of Wonderful' and I hope that when my kids see them they'll be able to find some comfort in the imaginative writing and situations that John Hughes put up there. The movie that makes you feel better with a good laugh and an "awwwww" ending. The 'no matter how bad it gets for you, this character has it a little worse' situation that was always presented realistically for the main character while everyone else around them seems to have lost thier minds, they were just a little cracked, a little out there...

...just like the guy who thought this sequel idea up is.