site stats WhizGidget Wonders...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
It's Mine... but then the mommy guilt sets in.

...what is it about getting a package in the mail and being oh-so-excited about it that can get totally ruined in minutes when a small child reaches into your package and gloms onto something that is clearly for you?

That happened this weekend when B reached into my final secret stitcher package and nabbed my Giant Yellow Peep and hugged it tightly. I snatched it back from her quickly, claming “Hey, that’s for ME!” but didn’t reprimand her because she was so darn cute holding onto that peep. And then I instantly felt guilty for being selfish like that and taking it from her. Come to find, not too farther down, that she and A had a box that was labeled especially for them that contained equally sized purple and blue peeps, and they were happy with those and ran off to play with them, but occasionally stealing mine off my desk.

But the guilt came right back when I was happily showing off all the wonderful things that my absolutely amazing secret stitcher gave me, and DH came in and glommed onto the milk chocolate walnut clusters. I didn’t say a word, figuring he’d just have one…

Oh boy, was I wrong.

I should have said something, or cleared my throat pointedly.
I should have said Mine.
I should have hidden them (but where?)
I shouldn’t have drawn any attention to them in the first place by saying LOOKY! SHE SENT *ME* MORE CLUSTERS, I’M SO HAPPY BECAUSE THEY’RE SOOOO GOOD! (ok, that wasn’t what I said word for word, but it’s close, and I was bouncing when I said it because I was so happy that I got some more because honestly, they really *are* good, and I know that they weren’t cheap either).

But every time I think of something that I could have done like those above I feel guilty for not sharing. There’s a pound of them, right, and that much was sent so that I *could* share some. I should be ok with sharing them. I was ok with sharing them, but no one, save A once, asked if they could have one; everyone just dived in and started snacking. No one said Thank you for letting them have one (not even A after asking so nicely). No one figured that they needed to ask, assuming that they were fair game for everyone to take. And they’re already almost gone, and I’m upset over it all.

Am I wrong for expecting simple courtesy? Am I just winding myself up too much over this? I think that's what I'm most upset about - no one bothered to ask me if they were fair game, or if they could have one.

Someone I know said that that’s just the way it is for us moms – family just doesn’t respect our stuff. I think that’s wrong. If we have family members that aren’t respectful of our stuff, yet expect us to be completely respectful of theirs, then haven’t we failed as moms by allowing a double standard to exist? Maybe failed is the wrong word, but it’s the best I can use at this moment in time. I mean, what kind of example am I setting for my girls for when they become moms: teach your children to ask and respect other people’s things, but don’t expect to get the same treatment from your family.

Maybe that makes me a lousy mom – because I expect that something that is mine, sent specifically to me, to not have to be vultured or shared. After all, a chocolate bar can only go so far. Maybe I just need to stop making a big deal when I get something as special as a chocolate bar from the UK - as I’ve learned with the Thornton’s Sicilian Lemon bars because DH eats those, although he usually asks. Of course, the last time I got a half dozen of those I didn't know he'd been eating them until we were down to the last one and he was practically begging me (in his own way) for that one. So out of 6 bars, I only got 1/2 of one. Am I just too selfish or am expecting too much that I could have a few bars of chocolate sit for a couple of months for when the craving strikes?

I’ve figured out the best way to solve this issue. Really, it’s the best for everyone involved.

There’s not going to be any more chocolate in the house. Or ice cream for that matter (for some reason, my pint of Ben & Jerry’s usually vanishes during the night after I’m asleep, and it’s rare that I get more than a couple of tablespoons from it). I’m having the children and DH eat all the chocolate (I put it out on the counter last night), even the stuff given especially to me by DH for Valentine’s Day, and then we will be done with it. I won’t have any more special treats socked away for me for when I have a craving for something, and I won’t let anyone send me anything either. I’ll be specifically stating on my SS form for the next round (if I participate) that I don’t want any chocolate of any kind. I’ll be a floss fairy to the international folks when asked, and either will ask only stash in return, or for them to send the chocolate to someone else who might be able to keep it for themselves, or share it as they feel the need.

And if anyone does send something to me, it’s going on the kitchen counter so that everyone can have at it immediately, and I won’t have any of it, and I won’t let anyone give me any of it either. That or I'll mark it Return To Sender and leave it in the post box. I think that that’s better than getting to taste it and enjoy even the littlest bit before it disappears. After all, I won’t want after what I can’t have, right?... why do I so badly want those walnut clusters that started this whole mess in the first place?