... really. It did.
In 2004, I faced some serious challenges in my personal, professional and online life. Ones that I thought were going to bury me with each and every thing that happened.
I faced an ex-boss who clearly felt slighted and deserted by an employee that he probably felt was loyal but who left him anyway for a better offer. I wasn't the only subordinate he lost that year, but I was the only one to still be in day to day contact with him. The trials I still faced at the beginning of the year with things that he wanted for the 2003 year lasted an entire month.
I got an absolutely horrid review from the ex-boss and was skewered during his exit interview which contributed to my yearly raise being cut by at least 30%. I just got a bad review in the last few days that I'm supremely nervous about.
My grandmother passed away in the spring, and sent my mom into crying fits for weeks (according to dad).
I watched a personal friendship go down the tubes for almost unexplainable reasons... and a couple of online ones fell apart too.
I had a harrowing couple of days while I worried to death about my health and my eyesight.
I saw a thriving online community get broken apart, and watch some people feel betrayed, others feel lost, and still others confused as to where everyone is and why they won't join one community or another.
I watched my personal portfolio decrease in size. Significantly. I watched DH mark a second full year of being unemployed. I was stressed out to points that I've not seen in years, or maybe ever. I had an office move from hell.
Still, though, despite all that has gone on I think it's rash and unfair to state that 2004 really did suck. Because, in all honesty, it didn't. All that stuff (with a couple of exceptions) are superficial.
While DH has been unemployed, he's worked harder around the house, on his personal fitness, and has come up with an idea (along with two other guys) that may become a reality at some point in the future. He's been productive.
While I didn't get the raise that I richly earned and deserved, I'm still employed (for the moment), and the ex-boss is gone. I'll be discussing this recent bad review with my boss in a few short hours. We're all more relaxed and productive around the office.
I still have my health, and my eyesight isn't in peril (so a couple of docs tell me). My kids are happy and healthy, as is the DH *knocks on the desktop for good measure*
While my grandmother is gone from this earthly plane, she's not in the pain and agony that she was when she was alive, and my mom doesn't have to shuttle her all over creation for doctor's appointments and caring for her anymore. For that I am thankful.
Despite the loss of a couple of friends, I have a great many others who truly care about me, and I truly care about them. And I've made a few other friends too. We communicate regularly, we tell each other how important we are to each other, and we don't take anything for granted. There are still others that I don't tell often enough that I care, but I think they still know that I do.
DH and I communicate with each other as well as we ever have. Heck, we have real conversations now that don't necessarily involve what the kids are doing these days.
I'm still disciplined to go work out after work, and take care of what I eat and what I do. I'm not giving up on having a healthy me.
I've grown in measures personal and professional that I would never have imagined at the beginning of the year. Never *could* have imagined at the beginning of the year considering I was so short-sighted at the here and the now because of what I was going through with the ex-boss. I still have lost ground to make up, but I think it's recoverable.
It's amazing how awful you think something can be when all sorts of small things pile up to create one huge mess that you think you'll never see the other side of. I so wish more people would look past the small stuff to the things that are truly important or truly earth-shattering. I know it's hard to imagine that anyone else is worse off than you when you're in your own personal hell, but sometimes it's just that - your own Personal Hell
that you've constructed and you can't see over the walls.
This is not
meant to trivialize the issues that anyone may be facing, but perhaps to give a perspective. I'd rather attempt to grasp at the positive of the situation, rather than cling obsessively to the worst, but that's just me
. I know so many folks who are going (or have gone) through so much worse than I, and I know many others who think they've gone through so much worse than I (when they really haven't).
I'm going to try and not complain so much anymore. I know I still do, and usually its petty small things that I pick on. But you know, in the large grand scheme of the world, I'm really in pretty darn good shape. I don't let the small things pile up and try to discourage me anymore. To get into better metaphysical shape would take a little time and a little money. All in all, I'm good...
...and isn't that all that matters at the end of the day?