Dear Mr. Spammer...
...it's that time, once again, for another special edition of Dear Mr. Spammer, where we address some of those wonderful emails that we all get but can't reply to because the email address it was sent from is fake (96.2% of the time).
Dear Mr. Spammer,
I keep getting files from and your friends. They all seem to be the same file - it's the same size, and same title over and over again. My virus checker says I shouldn't read it, but since when was software entitled to have an opinion about my email? My NOC (Network Operations Center) says I shouldn't read it either because there *is* a virus going around within the company, but that they'll have it contained within a couple of hours. They're very good at that too, so I'll believe them. But why should I believe *you* that I have
to read this?
You keep stating that it's important information, critical data, etc etc, but it's enclosed in a simple text file. Shouldn't information that important be encrypted? Locked away so that evil hackers (also known as crackers, but I'm sure you knew that already) can't get ahold of it?
And you keep sending me this file, but you never state that I've not looked at it or responded. Generally it's a good business practice to ask if I've received it the first time and give a vague idea as to what it might be about.
Perhaps I read it and wasn't interested - in sales, when you don't hear from the customer you should follow up with the customer. Otherwise, you don't last in that sales job for very long at all.
But maybe that's why I keep getting the same file from different people. High turnover in your job because you guys must communicate with HUNDREDS of emailboxes daily, and you just don't have time to follow up with every single one of them.
That's when you should lighten your load... concentrate on a smaller group of people that fit your niche perfectly. Here, I'll help. Drop me off your mail list, and that's one less person that you have to follow up on.
See? Isn't that easy? Now, go and do that about a hundred thousand more times for the other folks on the list, and you'll eventually get down to a nice round number of people that would care...
...a number like, say, zero.
Thank you for your time,