site stats WhizGidget Wonders...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Is Nothing Sacred?
...Apparently in Hollywood, nothing is. The remake machine has been busy lately - we're going to have a redone 'Prom Night' that's coming out very shortly, and another X-Files sequel is in the works. But there are some things that should never be messed with and, well, they're being messed with.

I figured that there was some sort of law in place that said you couldn't remake the campiest of all horror movies. Some venial sin against the sacred beauty of the B-movie, right? Sequels are ok, but no remakes. Well, someone didn't get a copy of that playbook because they're apparently going to remake 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'.

Hello? WHY? The original was so camp-a-liciously perfect. That's the first B-movie that I introduced my children to, and they LOVED it. But Hollyweird is running out of ideas again I figure because they're going to remake it. How sad is that? They've reduced themselves to not only remaking bad horror films, but now they're remaking classic campy B-movie horror films. I know, I know, they already remade 'Day of the Dead', but come on the king of B-movie camp is 'Tomatoes' - at least that's what I think.

But wait, they're also "re-imaging" (that's the new buzzword for remake by the way) a completely influential classic horror film. Someone realized that no one had thought of remaking 'Rosemary's Baby' so they're going to get working on that next. But that's not all - the same studio (Platinum Dunes) that is doing that already has experience remaking movies. They're responsible for remaking 'The Hitcher', 'The Amityville Horror', 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', and are working on 'The Birds' (it should be a crime alone to even THINK of remaking Hitchcock movies like that version of 'Psycho' with Vince Vaughn), 'Friday the 13th' and 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'.

Yes, Freddy Kruger lives again. In a remake. But don't count on seeing Robert Englund in it. Someone *else* is going to be Freddy. I'm sorry. There's what? 8 movies in that franchise including the crossover with 'Freddy vs Jason'? And don't forget the cameo in that other Wes Craven film. Listen up people - if Wes Craven isn't directing and Englund isn't Freddy then it's not a Nightmare movie. Done. Don't even think about trying it.

And there's more - there's an indie film in the works that essentially remakes 'The Breakfast Club', they're back working on 'Logan's Run', 'Total Recall' is being considered, and Roland Emmerich ('Independence Day', 'Day After Tomorrow') is working on 'Fantastic Voyage'. There are plans to bring back 'The Greatest American Hero' as a movie, 'I, Claudius' as a much shorter film version instead of the massive miniseries that it was in the 70s, And maybe even a 'Throw Momma From the Train 2', despite the fact that Momma has been dead for awhile.

When will it all stop? They're even considering sequels to 'Tron' and 'The Last Starfighter'. Maybe it's because of the original ideas that screenwriters are coming up with are really just re-images of the films that they saw as kids and they realize that when they pitch it so it becomes a remake or a sequel. Sad. I mean, one of these days they're going to decide to do something really drastic or off the wall. Like update 'Green Acres' and bring it back to television or something...

...oh wait, they already *are* thinking about that. Seriously.