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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
You know it's a slow day... Hollywood, when all the really good movie announcement news is about sequels.

And they're not even good sequels.

And the one sequel that *might* be potentially great is completely cracked because the main character was killed off at the end of the first movie, yet they're going to try and figure out how to manage it and bring him back.

Can you guess that yesterday was a slow news day?

First, let's start with the improbable. Oh wait, they're *all* improbable. You'll understand what I mean in a few minutes when you're done reading this.

All right, first up? Hollow Man 2. As if the first one wasn't bad enough, as many people tell me, although I sort of liked it in a very strange, disconnected from complete and absolute reality sort of way, they're making another one. Ah, but it can't have our demented and insane hero from the first movie, because they killed him at the end, right?

So, they're going to have a couple of people (probably a romantic twist sort of thing) on the run from an invisible assassin who has gone rogue. Oh, and we have to have the government officials that created the assassin be in on the hunt as well.

If it weren't associated with the original bad movie, it actually seems to have promise. In a direct-to-video, sit on the back corner shelf of a mom and pop video store sort of way.

The next sequel? I Know What You Did Last Summer, Part 3. Oh, but *wait*! It's not going to have any of the original premise involved. This one's going to be about 4 people who weren't in the original movie and have no attachment to it, it seems. Other than they were involved in a prank that got deadly and are stalked by an unknown assailant.

Basically, another teens do something stupid and have to pay deadly consequences sort of movie, but with a recognized name and called a sequel so that it has half a chance at drawing an audience.

The third sequel? Oh, hold on to your seats, folks, and pay attention to the sign that says "Don't Eat the Big White Mint" over the urinal. That's right. Road House 2 - Last Call. I kid you not, that's the name of the movie. As with the other two movies, none of the original actors are tied to the film. I'm not sure whether to be disappointed or pleased by that. I think I'm disappointed, because I really like Sam Elliot. Maybe I need to watch that movie again to form an opinion.

Despite the faded memory, I somehow think the idea of a graduate student taking over his uncle's bar to keep control over it before a local crime boss takes it over doesn't sound like it's going to be a real believable script. But then, I suppose neither does a philosophy student being a head bouncer played by a guy who used to be a dancer (as in the original movie).

Last, but not least, is the one that I think is truly improbable - a sequel to Gladiator. The story I found on Yahoo (referenced in the disclaimer below) now states that they would more likely focus on the other characters that were involved in the story instead of Maximus, but one I read earlier said that they would be trying to get Maximus back into the story. I find that really hard to stomach considering that the character died at the end of the original movie. And really, there was no way that you could say that he really lived afterward, or was in a coma. He was dead, dead, dead.

Still, there's always flashbacks. Ugh.

I know I've asked this recently before, but I have to say it again - where the heck did all the original ideas in Hollywood go? It's insane what they're coming up with. By the way, those first 3 sequels that I mentioned? They're all from Sony Pictures; Gladiator was a Universal release. Sounds like the folks at Sony need some new idea people, or a new dealer, because the drugs they're taking now must be cut with flour or something harmless.

They need new ideas. I even told DH last night while I was making dinner that I should come up with a couple of good ideas that could be scripted and sold off to make new movies. And then I started thinking. I know that the best ideas are ones close to one's heart, so I thought about stitching.

Then I realized that that's not good film action, and decided that knitting would be better. I don't knit, I crochet, but knitting is what's hot and it's likely that we could find stars that actually know how to knit, and they could indulge while they're on camera. Best of both worlds, right? Get paid to do what you love to do as a hobby.

By that I meant knitting, not acting.

DH thought that it would be a dialogue movie and what would they talk about. Ah, but if I made it a LifeSlime movie, he says, all the knitters could have abusive husbands. I quickly dismissed this idea. I said the idea has to have the Bravo treatment - it will be about gay men knitting and that alone might get me a shot at showing it at Sundance 2006. After all, I want the original indie movie idea that becomes the massive expensive hit film and rakes in the dough. And it would have imitators... but not sequels.

Then I realized that DH was right. Women obsessed with knitting who have abusive or ne'er do well husbands, are divorcing lousy men, or who offed their abusive husband with one of the needles they were working with at the time seems to have a better cachet for a mainstream hit. Of course, I'm going to write it as a book first so that I have the true characterization down of the women and what they would do for their craft, and a screenplay, so that when the studios come to option it, I'll be ready with the screenplay in hand. And the book would have a quirky marketable title that would not get changed when it moves to the big screen. I think I already know what I'll call it...

..."Purls Before Swine".

*Disclaimer* These sequel announcements were found in a story or two on Yahoo, and are not to be found on as yet, although I expected them to be there by now.