... Sometime this weekend, while you and I go about our normal lives, the media goes insane in Italy where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (TomKat) will finally get married. Maybe. They've got a license but no one knows where the wedding is taking place, and all the while the celebrity guests are arriving. Jim Carrey, Jada Pinkett Smith, Brooke Shields (yes, you read that right).

I'm sure they know where the wedding is, but no one's talking. We've seen Tom Cruise arrive with his mother and daughter... no one's seen Katie in all of this though. Curious. She's practically been in seclusion since just before the birth of Suri (and only emerging for the Vanity Fair pictures).

Anyway, there's been some speculation about what kind of wedding there is going to be. Is it Catholic, is it Scientology, is it both (as originally rumored), but considering that Italy is a rather religious place (mired in Roman Catholicism), Tom has been divorced twice, and we've heard nothing about him petitioning the church to annul the prior two ceremonies, I suspect that Catholic blessings are out.

So that leaves us with a Scientology ceremony. We already know the "religion" is weird, but as the wedding nears more details come out about the ceremony. Apparently it's a ceremony that's mired in general tradition - there's a ring ceremony, either single or double ring, and a blessing. There is music and there are flower girls. There are vows too... and that's the part that's making a lot of people stop and think. And stare.

There's a vow that every wedding ceremony should have - to never go to bed without having "repaired any upset" that had occurred during the day. That goes hand in hand with my idea that no one should ever have a fight in their bedroom. Don't go to bed angry. That's a very good thing. More people should incorporate that into vows, ceremonies, commitments, whatever.

But then there's the ones that make people stop and think. If they go with a traditional Scientology service, then Tom will be told that Katie needs clothes and food and happiness and frills. And a pan, a comb... and a cat. (If they add Krazy Glue and a toothbrush to the requirements, Katie would have a way to skin said cat) So, is that supposed to say that he needs to care for her, but also to make sure that she gets the tools she needs to cook, to look pretty and....

What exactly *is* the cat for? Something to take care of? Training for a demanding baby? I think she's got that last one covered already. Comfort? Yes, many people take solace in their pets, so it could be comfort, but I don't know. I think being told that one should have a cat as part of their wedding ceremony is a little... eccentric if not downright weird.

And then there is the instruction that Katie gets in her vows. She is told that young men are "free" and could forget their promises. Oh. Kay. So, she should forgive him if he forgets to give her a cat? Hey, if that were part of my wedding ceremony, I'd jump for joy that DH forgot to give me a cat. Mostly because they randomly make me sneeze, and I would have demanded a re-write and asked for a dog instead.

I think I would be right out offended if I was told that my husband was free was could forget their promises, to tell you the truth. To use the vows above I can buy my own clothes. I'm rather happy that way. DH can continue to buy me food - I need that as does he. Happiness is always a good thing, so I'm be right miffed if he forgot to keep me happy. You can keep the frills, we all know I'm not a girly-girl. Except for nice jewelry. I'm a sucker for nice jewelry, so if frills means diamond stud earrings, then frills must not be forgotten.

A pan. What kind of pan? Frying pan? Baking pan? Roasting pan? I came into the marriage with all of those. Litter pan for the aforementioned cat? Don't want the cat, so I don't see why I'd need the pan. Bedpan? No thank you. You can forget that too. Let's skip over to a comb. I use one particular type of comb - fine toothed, long handle at the end. DH knows that I was rather upset when my comb finally died a few months ago, but he didn't dare go look for the replacement for me. I'm particular about my combs and brushes. Most guys are particular about combs too (from what I've seen) so I wouldn't go out and get his comb for him either. So, forgetting the hair grooming implements would not be the end of the world.

Forgetting the dog would be. Remember, I'm not cat people. Forgetting to get me the dog that was promised would be a bone of contention. But all of those things are petty compared to the important stuff. The important stuff seems to be covered in the Double Ring ceremony, where the ring is a symbol of permanency and they re-affirm the principles of affinity, reality and communication. Let's study this with our about-to-marry couple in mind.

Permanency: Tom has been married and divorced twice. And one of those marriages was to a Catholic. I don't think permanency has the same definition to him as it does to the rest of us.
Affinity: I'm not sure what the connection between Tom and Katie is other than Suri. We don't really know how they met, or what went on to have the two of them interested in seeing each other.
Reality: We're talking Scientology here people. They think aliens deposited bad stuff here that's been absorbed into our souls. Reality as we know it doesn't apply.
Communication: I'm sure they communicate with each other. Katie asks Tom to let her out of the prison inside the mansion so she can get some fresh air and sun and stop looking like the undead, and he says no, he rather likes her as a pale and weak puppet and besides he doesn't want her running back to Chris Klein so Suri can be raised by her real father.

Ok, I'm being sarcastic and joking, but don't try and tell me that these same thoughts didn't cross your mind either. But let's get back to the vows, the promises. I think I'd never forgive DH if he forgot the vows about honor, cherish, sickness/health, etc. You know the ones - that ones that promise that you'll be faithful and stick by your spouse through every thing that life throws at you. And they'll stick by you. Being told that my DH is "free" and may forget a promise, especially a promise as important as that one, would be unforgivable. Completely and totally. It makes me wonder when we're going to hear about Tom and some other young starlet cavorting about, because it's almost inevitable at this point (supposedly that's what broke up his other two marriages)...

...and now I understand the need for the comforting cat.