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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Dear Mr. Spammer...

...Greetings and Salutations, Dear Readers! It’s time once again for another edition of Dear Mr. Spammer. This time, I discuss with Mr. Spammer his newly acquired multilingual skills, as shown in one particular letter...

Dear Mr. Spammer,

Your recent letters have been inspiring! It seems that you've been taking up learning new languages. Russian, Greek, French, Spanish – but you’ve only been showing us this in your subject lines. It's clear that you are a new student of languages, because you're going about it with the right sort of enthusiasm, but it is a little confusing to those of us reading your letters. This is because you don't translate the subject line *in* the subject line, nor do you bother to do that in the letter.

Or if you do, you certainly don’t indicate that it's the translation of the title.

Now, your most recent letter is what prompted me to reply. You're learning Spanish, and I happen to know a small smattering of Spanish. And you need a few more lessons - I'm saying this with love, Mr. Spammer. Love? See? Lots of love oozing out all my pores. Just. For. You.

Before you get too excited, I'd better tell you that this isn't about the sex and porn emails you've been sending me.

Your subject line of "Buenos Nachos" was a little disjointed when I started reading your latest email because it *was* lunchtime when I got it and I was hungry and hoping for a suggestion of a good place to go and get nachos at. So seeing your email was great, but a letdown at the same time since I was hoping for a restaurant recommendation and instead read all about your issues with insomnia and something that could help all of us sleep better.

'Buenos noches' was the terminology that I think you were looking for, but you know, that's a really easy mistake to make when you're just learning a new language. I do suggest putting the English translation in your title, or not using the language at all if you’re not 100% sure that your reader can understand it and in case it isn't just quite right. After all, we're not all as erudite as you are attempting to be.

Rispettoso (that's 'Respectfully' in Italian),
WhizGidget who really doesn’t need the nachos, but could use a few more good night's sleeps