...I just act that way. You know, that was never truly addressed by Paris last night on Larry King.

Oh, you thought I was done with Little Miss LawBreaker? Oh no, not by a longshot. She had the audacity to appear on Larry King, and like most of the free world I bothered to watch it.

First impression? She was totally coached. She probably got in that SUV with her mother and the first thing she heard was "There's a media coach waiting for us because you're going on Larry King and we need you to not look like an idiot." Easier said than done.

First off, she had to gush over Larry and how respected he is. Well, naturally. You're 26 and he's as old as Methuselah. So at least she knows to respect her elders in the press instead of bowing to the $1 million price tag that NBC offered her. Not that she needs that money, but then it would have been handy to hire a limo instead of driving (after one tiny drink) to get a burger last September.

She talked about the timeline and the fact that her lawyer had told her she was okay to drive after the first 30 days of her suspended license, but she didn't really touch on that second time she was pulled over. And guess what? No surprise here - she thinks she got a raw deal. And she thinks her raw deal was for driving on a suspended license.

Excuse me? That was the compounded behavior. All of it stemmed from the driving while intoxicated Paris, and I really wish that Larry had had the balls to say that to her just so we could hear the "um, oh, well" that would have come out of her mouth. Should I cut her a break? After all she's "claustrophobic" and was in that little cell for 3 1/2 whole weeks and the freedom she's got now is overwhelming.

I was almost so disgusted that I turned it off but I kept watching, good little sheeple that I am, because I wanted to hear what other outrageous things were going to come out of her mouth. Like what good works is she going to use her fame for (there are so many things, she said), or what her favorite Bible verse is (she doesn't really have one, but she did read that Bible every day... riiiight).

You know, I have a really big problem with the people who think that they've "found God" or have "been saved" and who promote that heavily. When you talk about it constantly, you're evangelizing instead of actually spreading the news through your actions. Paris needs to stop talking about God and start acting like a good and responsible individual who has been affected by God's presence in her life. And that goes for anyone else who thinks they've been saved, or have "found God" after straying away. And there is a difference between being saved, being religious and being spiritual and I know too many who talk about being saved but don't fall into one of the other two categories. But I digress...

Paris slammed the whole experience in my opinion, except for the good that it did her and the other women there. She slammed the food, which is going to get the nutritionists for the prison system *and* the prisoner advocates up in arms equally (if they even care). And then there were the inconsistencies - she didn't really hear what was going on on the outside, and yet she was reading all the rumors about all the weight she was losing.

She wrote long paragraphs about the consequences that you face and growth experiences and things like that. She wrote in the past tense about what she learned in the jail so I suspect that was something crafted just for the show instead of something she wrote while in there. She loves kids and can't wait to get married and have a big family (good luck finding someone who wants to ride that crazy train).

What-ever.

She sidestepped the questions about Britney and Lindsay, she was grateful for being able to write and that God is giving her this second chance. And she thinks she got a raw deal, which is the thing that's got me hot under the collar. She got exactly what she earned. She earned her jail time, and she didn't get beaten on any harder because she's a celebrity. She got the sentence that she did because she clearly disregarded the instructions that she was given. And the way she is, I'll bet she'll do it again - it's just a matter of when. But I wish Paris luck on "the outside"...

...she's gonna need it.