... I have a not easy situation on my hands at the moment.

I have a good friend... well, I think we're good friends. Maybe not now, but we were. I met her through work, and we both still work here. We work in totally different departments - from a business and environment perspective, if that makes any sense. But we really don't do anything outside of the office. We used to walk together after work, but that kind of dissolved. But we still got tea together in the mornings, and go out to lunch daily.

She got nervous when I moved up in the food chain to report to a VP instead of a Director - in fact, I'm a peer of my ex-boss now. I thought I did a pretty good job of convincing her that just my job has changed, and not me. But that would surface once in a rare while - that I'm management and she's not.

Then last week happened.

She took Monday off, and was pretty sure that she'd requested it. Come to find when she returned to the office on Tuesday that she hadn't submitted an FTO form. This would be the first time that this had ever happened to her. She was told that she would be 'counseled' since it was her first offense. Normally, most people wouldn't blink.

This had her clearly worried... a little background into why...

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The supervisor that she reports to is a back-biting power junkie (and, as it seems to me, he's also a very insecure gay man). He has a superior attitude and is pretty confident in that he can get away with almost anything. He's got 'spies' in the department who will catch wind of anyone who sounds like they're going to complain to HR about him and he starts his retaliation prior to them being able to go. Not that they could do that during their work hours because if they have a shift on the phones, then they need to be at the phones. Lunches and breaks are closely monitored so that people come back at exactly the minute they're supposed to.

Many people have left the company as a result of his tactics. I was pretty convinced that a couple of them have mentioned him as the reason why they left, but I wonder if HR marked it up to personality conflict as opposed to an actual problem.

To say that there are some unfair practices going on is an understatement. My friend isn't part of the standard pool of reps - she's administration and support. She has a specialized function. But among all the folks in that little support group, it sounds like she's the one that's treated just like a rep - and she's never been one in the first place (as far as I can recall), so it's not like he can't break out of an old behavior set.

Here's another example of the controls set in this department. They recently had a Q&A session with the CEO of the company. All questions for the CEO had to be submitted in advance and approved by the management of the department. There would be no questions allowed that weren't approved in advance - so basically, no one could speak before, during, or after the talk to the CEO. I was pretty sure that this would backfire on the department. They were also given sweater vests to wear during this 'university' session (which is what they were calling it). Only half the people wore the vests (not everyone likes sweater vests when it's 70 degrees outside and the average age of the department is under 30). The CEO finished his talk based on the questions that he was given, and then opened the floor for questions - just as I suspected, since I've been working here for 5 years, and I know how our CEO behaves. No one in the group of 30 people spoke. As my friend put it - 'made us all look very stupid'. 3 people finally asked questions, but I suspect that they were 'talked to' afterwards for asking something that wasn't approved prior to the session.

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Anyway, my friend started dreading this 'counseling' session, and I told her just to be contrite and it should be fine. Wrong-O. Apparently someone else who is a lead in the department (or something similar to such) reported about my friend's tea break in the morning to the evil supervisor and she ended up being 'talked to' for that too. It might be a write up, but I'm not sure. I didn't get into the details of it. Apparently this other person (the lead) was 'out for blood' and it didn't matter whose it was.

There is definitely something wrong in this department. I'm a peer of the Director of that department, but I've got a dilemma myself. I can't say anything because if I do, and anything happens as a result of my saying anything, then they'll know right where it came from (that being my friend). I want to say something to HR, but 1) it's coming from someone outside the department and won't be given the weight that it should and 2) it might bring the supervisor down on someone unfairly. I suspect that he's paranoid too.

Anyway, last week she let me know about the lead who was 'out for blood' (her words), and clued me into a conversation where the person in question asked her if anything was wrong. My friend blew the situation off, and let the lead know that nothing was indeed wrong. Here's where things went south.

She started saying that she's going to be looking for another job because she's so sick of management in her department. I applaud that decision, because it's pretty clear that nothing's going to change anytime soon - the supervisor in question has been here almost as long as I have been here. Then she mentioned something that she's repeated often for the last couple of years - that she has this feeling that they're trying to get rid of her. *sigh* If I had a dollar for every time she'd said that I probably could have retired last year - and I told her that. I also mentioned something about the paranoia rearing its head again.

Yes, I'm stupid. Certifiably. But I also let her know that if they were trying to get rid of her they certainly would have drummed up a reason that she couldn't possibly argue against (his word against her word) long ago. I also mused that perhaps they're trying to make her so fed up that she quits of her own accord (they've done it to others), but that I didn't see how that would be in their best interests either.

Then came the apology. She apologized to me... I knew instantly what that was about, and didn't answer. Every time she goes down a negative path she apologizes profusely and then says she'll never bother me with her negative attitude again. I didn't answer, figuring that we'd probably discuss it at lunch. When lunch came, I'd lost track of time, and by the time I did look up I found her car was gone. I left the building around the same time that she drove back in.

Later on in the afternoon I got an email from her apologizing for anything she may have said that offended me. I let her know that she didn't offend me - really, she didn't - but that she's been paranoid, negative and stricken with a defeatist attitude for too long.

Again, I reiterate. I'm a very stupid person.

The reply I got stated that she won't bother me anymore with her attitude and that she doesn't want to bring me down with her. I was so pissed off by this point about something else that wasn't remotely related that I fired off a response about her running away from constructive criticism and to do whatever suits her best. She replied (and I never responded because I honestly didn't know how) that she recalled I don't like surrounding myself with negative attitudes because I used to be exactly the same way.

This is true. I don't like surrounding myself with such. Nor do I like dealing with people who are paranoid or complain all the time, or thinks that the earth revolves around them... but sometimes those are qualities that my good friends have - way deep down, they're all great people, with an occasional annoying quirk. Everyone has them, as do I - some folks hate my rambling, or read things incorrectly in my responses to things when I take a decidedly dry turn in my discourse. I don't come across as personable as I actually am. *shrug* But that comes with the territory.

So here I am at a crossroads. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to say. I'm not looking for suggestions or counseling, and I know the individual in question reads my blog. I don't know that she'd be reading it now after this, but you never know. And I can't help but think she may read this and take all of it the absolute wrong way... I don't feel like I need to apologize for my actions or words, but on the other hand, perhaps I do need to. I'm really not sure. I certainly value this individual as a friend, but a body can only take so much in their lives before the outside influences start dragging them down. This last week her fear, concern, paranoia, negativity, and defeatist attitude reached a new high (or would that be a new low...) - and I just couldn't handle it anymore. As much as I'd hate to lose her as a friend. I just don't know what to do without losing part of myself.

I can't ask her to not talk about stuff that's bothering her, because I'm one of those people that naturally asks people if something is bothering them - I tune into that sort of thing. I can't ask her to behave in a happy manner or only come around when she's happy because that's selfish of me, and not very supportive in the friend department...

.... so shrugging What do I do? ...wanders off to wonder about this some more offline...